To love, honour and obey?

It seems to be the question on everybody’s lips: will you promise to obey Animal?

Well we haven’t finally agreed on the vows, but they’re going to be pretty traditional. And whether or not the word ‘obey’ is used, the gist of it will be….

Yes.

Wait, what? I hear you say. That’s right girlfriends, I’m gonna submit to my man. And I’m gonna stand up in front of these here witnesses (and God) and jolly well promise to do it too!

Have you lost your mind? I hear you say. They took the obey bit out in the 50s didn’t they? In the Episcopal Church it was 1922, according to Professor Wikipedia, but what the heck. They didn’t take it out of the Bible, and that’s what I’m basing my marriage on.

Actually, that’s not quite true. What the Bible says is:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

It doesn’t actually say wives should obey their husbands anywhere in the Bible. So I guess the technical answer to the question at the top of the page is ‘no’, but that wouldn’t have been controversial enough to get you this far down.

So yes, I will be submitting to my husband. I believe this is the attitude God wants me to have towards my husband and our marriage; I also believe it is part of the way men in general are made, they need to be in a position of authority and honoured by others.

That does not mean, however, that it is a one-way street. I am not promising to be a doormat. Animal will be promising to love and cherish me – the Bible goes on to say:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25)

Sure, I hope it won’t come to that, but I think giving your life up for someone is a little more extreme than letting them have their own way now and then.

Similarly though, this is what women want (are you paying attention boys?): we want to be loved with literally everything our man has to offer, right down to his life. We don’t want our man to die, obviously (PMT notwithstanding), but something in the heart of a woman wants to know her man is willing to, if called upon.

All of this, the submitting and the loving, it is one partner doing something difficult, to give the other what they need, deep down. And, of course, it goes both ways: I will (and do) love and cherish Animal, and he will also submit to me, because that's Biblical (Ephesians 5:21).

Maybe next week I'll think about how that will work practically for our marriage... or maybe I'll wait until we're married and get a more realistic view!