Being a submissive wife

Of course I didn't phrase that title for google's benefit! Although if you did just surf on in having googled the confessions of a submissive wife, feel free to stay a while. Sir. ;)

Seriously though, I wanted to add some clarification to last week's post.

Being submissive in marriage is not about blindly obeying what your husband wants or asks of you. It is about putting his needs before your own - basically, being selfless out of love.

For instance, if Animal got a high-flying job in London Village, or felt called to be a missionary to Peru, I would listen to his case and give the idea some careful consideration. And the chances are I would go; not blindly out of mindless obedience, but out of love and respect for his needs or his calling. And because I know that he has promised to love me selflessly, I know that he wouldn't force the issue; he wouldn't even ask if he thought it would actually harm our marriage.

Or (for those of you googling kinky submissive wives) if Animal should want to try some sex act that I'm not comfortable with, I certainly wouldn't let him have his way just because the Bible says I should submit to him. As with moving to Peru, I might well think about it, but at the end of the day there are some things that I'm just not going to do. And he will accept that - which, frankly, I would expect just out of simple respect anyway, but the point is that the husband's role of sacrificially loving his wife means that he will not make unreasonable demands and expect her to simply agree out of Biblical submissiveness.

And as a final note, a reminder that the submitting goes all ways. We are all, as Christians, called to

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)

And that doesn't mean we're all walking round being doormats, doing exactly as we're told by other 'well-meaning' 'Christians'; it just means we're not selfish, we treat each other with respect, and try to consider the needs of others before our own.

Musical Monday: More Wedding Music

Because at this point in my life, I am a wedding. So I might as well bore the twelve of you with the details, right? Well, if you're intertested, the traditional bridal procession music will be The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba from Handel's Solomon.

And the slightly less traditional (and much more... me) recessional music, is entitled The Throne Room, by some composer called John Williams. And it goes a little something like this:

I know, too cool, right? I'll almost be sad to have walked out before the end of that piece of music.

Almost.

To love, honour and obey?

It seems to be the question on everybody’s lips: will you promise to obey Animal?

Well we haven’t finally agreed on the vows, but they’re going to be pretty traditional. And whether or not the word ‘obey’ is used, the gist of it will be….

Yes.

Wait, what? I hear you say. That’s right girlfriends, I’m gonna submit to my man. And I’m gonna stand up in front of these here witnesses (and God) and jolly well promise to do it too!

Have you lost your mind? I hear you say. They took the obey bit out in the 50s didn’t they? In the Episcopal Church it was 1922, according to Professor Wikipedia, but what the heck. They didn’t take it out of the Bible, and that’s what I’m basing my marriage on.

Actually, that’s not quite true. What the Bible says is:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

It doesn’t actually say wives should obey their husbands anywhere in the Bible. So I guess the technical answer to the question at the top of the page is ‘no’, but that wouldn’t have been controversial enough to get you this far down.

So yes, I will be submitting to my husband. I believe this is the attitude God wants me to have towards my husband and our marriage; I also believe it is part of the way men in general are made, they need to be in a position of authority and honoured by others.

That does not mean, however, that it is a one-way street. I am not promising to be a doormat. Animal will be promising to love and cherish me – the Bible goes on to say:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25)

Sure, I hope it won’t come to that, but I think giving your life up for someone is a little more extreme than letting them have their own way now and then.

Similarly though, this is what women want (are you paying attention boys?): we want to be loved with literally everything our man has to offer, right down to his life. We don’t want our man to die, obviously (PMT notwithstanding), but something in the heart of a woman wants to know her man is willing to, if called upon.

All of this, the submitting and the loving, it is one partner doing something difficult, to give the other what they need, deep down. And, of course, it goes both ways: I will (and do) love and cherish Animal, and he will also submit to me, because that's Biblical (Ephesians 5:21).

Maybe next week I'll think about how that will work practically for our marriage... or maybe I'll wait until we're married and get a more realistic view!

Musical Monday: Wedding Songs

Three weeks time, and I shall be living it up in the Alps as Mrs Animal :D.... but in the meantime, we have the tricky final touches to put to this wedding thingy. So we've spent a bunch of time this weekend picking songs with the band, given the sound guy the CDs for the bride's entrance and the happy couple's exit (one of which will be more traditional than the other!).

Only one musical dilemma remains though: the First Dance.

Neither of us is really into the kind of music that lends itself to slow dances, so we spent a pleasant evening listening to a variety of love songs on Spotify, desperately trying to find something appropriate that wasn't horribly cheesy.

You see, I love I'll Stand By You by The Pretenders, but it starts off 'Why do you look so sad?' and if either us looks sad by that point, something has gone drastically wrong. I think Make It With You by Bread is pretty cool too (if somewhat ancient), but possibly a little saucy for the some of the church crowd (yeah I know, what do they think we're gonna do when we leave, play Star Wars Monopoly?). Some smartarse suggested Lady In Red, but he got taken off the guest list as a result.

At the moment, we're looking at either slightly cheesy 80s songs or slightly predictable motown ballads. There are a couple of slightly cooler alternatives though; here's one that looks like it could be a contender:

Any more suggestions for a non-cheesy, romantic tune suitable for the first dance? Something a bit unusual would be nice - no Westlife! Feel free to drop us a comment with your suggestions :)

Filth on Friday.... sort of

I know, I've been neglecting the bloggy goodness lately. I will get back on it soon (probably), but there's been lots of weddingy goodness going on just lately (23 days, for the record :D ). If you enjoy my rants and rambles, drop me a comment or something so I know it's worth carrying on.

Anyway, here's a little something in place of a Friday porn-related rant, but which is sort of related, being about slavery. Yeah, that thing we abolished 200 years ago.

Twenty-seven million. That's a lot of people involved in something that doesn't go on any more, right? And it fits in with Filth on Friday because a lot of sex workers and porn starlets are trafficked women. Modern day slaves.

I don't care whether you like the song or not, if you have a conscience, please go and download it, from amazon or iTunes, and help raise awareness of this issue. Proceeds from the download will go to the A21 Campaign to help fight slavery.

Bible Musings: Creation

Yes, I'm going for the big subjects again, but I’m going to make my position on this clear at the outset: I don’t give a fetid dingo’s kidney how or when the world was created.

However, I have on numerous occasions since meeting Jesus, been taken to task over the apparent conflict between Genesis 1 and what we now understand of geology, evolution, astrophysics and whatnot. Like being a Christian is somehow the same as having been there. Well, I’m not a theologian or an astrophysicist, so don’t put too much trust in my beliefs and opinions on the matter, but here they are for what they’re worth.

1. The Bible is true.
This is fundamental, it has to be. This is not, however, the same as saying it is literally true from start to finish. This is most true of Genesis 1, which I believe does tell the essential truth about the formation of the Earth, and God’s and man’s respective places within that, but not necessarily the literal truth about it.
It is also not the same as saying that science is untrue; it could be that God just planted all the fossils underground to trick us, but that would be a bit silly.

2. What science says.
As I understand it, the scientific order of events in the creation of the Earth goes something like this:

1. The earth was formed out of the accretion matter from the solar nebular.
2. Water was brought to the proto-planet by comets and asteroids, eventually forming clouds and oceans.
3. Early life forms appear: microbes, algae, and plant-like creatures like sponges and coral. 
4. More complex life forms evolve – starting with trilobites and other marine animals, and then the evolution of fish into amphibians and land dwelling animals. 
5. Evolution of animal life culminating (arguably) in mankind.

Genesis would have it that the sun, moon and stars were created after the earth was sufficiently formed to support plant life, and indeed, after the creation of light itself; however it could be argued that the solar system was still chaotic, that volcanic activity and continuing meteorite impacts may have obscured the sky for some time whilst allowing sufficient daylight for life to begin.

3. What the Bible says. 
The Genesis account of creation breaks down like this:

1. A formless, empty earth; day and night. 
2. Water – the seas, and clouds. 
3. Plant life. 
4. The sun, moon and stars. 
5. Aquatic life and winged creatures. 
6. Animals, culminating with man.

Before Moses put pen to papyrus, it is likely that the Genesis accounts were carried orally from generation to generation. That may account for some of what we may now call poetic licence, to allow the ‘big picture’ to be remembered and retold easily. When written down, this still works as a literary device, with three days of forming followed by three parallel days of filling.
But that aside, I think Genesis 1 follows, in a much simplified way, what modern science now tells us about how the earth developed. Not bad, given that it was probably first written down in the 15th century BC.

4. What the Bible doesn’t say. 
The Bible does not say the world was created in less than a week.
The word ‘day’ as used in Genesis 1 may mean simply ‘a period of time’, and as the Bible tells us: ‘With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day’. These events could easily have taken 6,000 years, or 6 billion if you prefer.
I think the context makes it clear that rather than being literal, this is God using a creation account to encourage his people to take a day for rest and worship after six days labour.
Certainly, there is no logic for it meaning six 24-hour days, if there was no sun by which to measure the first three days. (Literalism can be its own worst enemy sometimes!)
It also doesn’t say that this happened, or finished happening, 6000 years ago. You can get to that figure by using the various genealogies found in the Bible, but given that those in Genesis are made up of ten or seven names, and it is known that genealogies were often abbreviated by omitting unimportant family members to achieve a desired length (often a multiple of 7, the number of completeness), the accuracy of such calculations is debatable.

So that's my thoughts on the origin of the universe. As I said, I find it weird that I never had an opinion on the subject as a non-believer (although its existence was no less real or relevant to me) but suddenly I’m expected to have a full and detailed knowledge of the matter.

But as I said at the outset, it doesn't really matter. There are probably as many theories on the creation as their are Christians, and that's the great thing about the Christian faith: it's bigger than these things that we can't quite agree on. The Bible is not about the creation of the world, it's about the salvation of the world, and to miss that because of geology or astrophysics - or Biblical literalism gone mad - would be to miss a gift far beyond your imagination.

Valentine's Day

With apologies to my single friends, I like Valentine’s Day. Maybe it does help having a fiancé who wants to take me out for a romantic meal, and on our first Valentines together sent me flowers at work (this year he brought them to me at home in person – arguably less romantic, definitely less embarrassing!).

But this year I came across an entirely different phenomenon: The Conversation About V-Day Sex. Now it does take a certain kind of bluntness, or the anonymity of the internet, to start that conversation, yet I did find myself having it a couple of times yesterday. And you know what? That’s fine. It is, after all, the last time I’ll be able to have The Conversation, so why not go for it.

So how come, 5 weeks before getting married, I didn’t get any on Valentine’s Day? Well, if you just googled your way in here looking for Valentine’s Day sex, it’s probably 2013 by now. But what the heck, if you still want to know why I didn’t get any last year, despite having a gorgeous fiancé, feel free to ask. I’m not shy about having that conversation.