Changes

I've said it a before, but here it is again: I need to change. I know what I need to change from - some of my internet habits - but I don't know exactly what I need to change to.

However, I am put in mind of a quote Animal read to me recently: "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

There's the rub, right? I've been following Christ for a couple of years now, and been really passionate about learning more about him, about God and about the Bible. Now, I think, that initial passion has passed - not to say I'm not still as captivated by Him as I was to start with, but my focus has changed. Everybody knows I'm a Christian, and that I will wax philosophical on the subject for hours given the chance, but that's not achieving anything. I need to do something real. I need to leave the stream of warm impermanence and go do something else. Something that will matter. Something that will make a difference. Which brings us back to changing my internet habits.

For a long time I've been an internet chatter. Chat sites, instant messengers, all sorts over the years. It wasn't always wholesome - which is why I blog anonymously - but more recently I've been using that platform to big up married sex, and even once or twice had some interesting theological and philosophical conversations. Unfortunately the theological discussions tend to start at about midnight, and as much as I enjoy them, the other parties (usually muslims or militant atheists) don't seem interested in emailing me and allowing me to answer fully and thoughtfully.

All of which is to say, that when Microsoft shut down live messenger in a couple of months, I won't be rushing to skype. I need to move on from that kind of stuff, it's just a hangover from who I used to be. The intelligent, thoughtful conversations being as rare as they are, there's nothing to lose except exercising my acid tongue on the few perverts who haven't yet blocked me for being 'boring' (ie not wanting to see them masturbating), and I'm sure I will find more constructive ways to use the time I save by not chatting (or fighting off pervs). I guess you'll have to watch this space to find out what they turn out to be.

In the meantime, anyone who wants to debate religion with me - or carry on any other internet conversations we had, for those few normal people out there - after March 15th, I'll be here or twittering as @SlimSadiee. Mormons, Muslims and militant atheists equally welcome.

Music Monday: Changes

I know I keep saying I don't go in for the whole resolution thing at New Year, but there's no avoiding what is on my mind: Changes

I feel the need to leave the stream of warm impermanence, but while I work out what that actually means (both literally and in my life), enjoy some classic Bowie. I'm sure this theme will recur in a few days...

Looking back, looking forward

So, 2012 then. How was it for you?

I'd say it was a pretty awesome year. Wiggo winning le Tour and getting a knighthood for services to offending the French, soaking up the atmosphere of London 2012 (albeit at arms length), and just for a few days there the newspapers were full of positive role models for girls - Jessica Ennis, Victoria Pendleton, Ellie Simmonds, all totes amazeballs, to name but a few.

It didn't quite have the personal upheaval of the previous couple of years - which seems a slightly odd thing to say given the one significant life change the year did bring, but I probably went on about that enough at the time (spin back to March/April if you want to relive my thoughts!).

But now I'm settled... settled into the rhythm of living with a man (it is an acquired taste, but you get used to it), settled into the routine of my wifely duties, I even got the new signature down within a couple of months.

So what's next? Stuck in a rut and waiting for the seven year itch? Well, I'm not going to worry about that for at least six years, but I don't think I (sorry, we) will remain settled long enough to get bored. I think there are more changes going to happen in 2013.

It's been a couple of years since God recruited me to His team, and I don't think he did that just so I could keep Animal company (although, if that did turn out to be my main purpose in life, it wouldn't be so bad). No, I think God has another job in mind, either for me or for us both, together. There have already been a couple of interesting developments which may be related, but time will tell....

Resolution Baby

It's the New Year, time for a fresh start, rebooting all the crap that built up over the last 12 months, detoxing, quitting your vices and generally growing the heck up. Right?

Meh.

Good intentions and all, exercising or dieting off that Christmas excess, that's all good, sure. But really, how long does it all last? Couple of months? A week or two? Already broken yours? Or have you resolved to give something up for Lent (and if you don't know how that one ends, ask your dad)?

I guess there may be people who keep their New Years Resolutions, but I don't think I'm doing anyone any disservice in saying that most people probably make them out of post-gluttony guilt, to make themselves feel better until they've forgotten whatever they felt bad about and then go straight back to their old ways.

I say this not in judgement, but empathy, because every New Years resolution I ever made went pear shaped pretty early on. So no, I didn't make any this year. I think things will change this year. I know there are things I want (and need) to change in order for that to happen - more on that story later.

Suffice to say that if changes should be made, make them. Allowing bad habits to go on unchecked until some arbitrary date helps no-one. I can't keep New Years resolutions, but I have made a lot of changes in the way I live over the last few years, and by making the changes straight away, I've kept them up. If a change is worth making, it's worth keeping up, and that's why I won't force any changes just because I have a new calendar.

Oh, and if you were wondering, Resolution Baby is almost the title of a Transvision Vamp single. Ask your dad. Or ask mine, he was a fan.